Big Green Machine Uzumaki
by MrWriterWriter
Summary: Naruto/Incredible Hulk crossover. Unfortunately I can't think of a good summary for this one..
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: You know the drill.**

Speech

_Thought_

Kyuubi.

Just so you know, this chapter is just experimental/prologue, mainly to see how well this crossover idea goes over

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_"Just when things were starting to look up,"_ Naruto thought to himself," It really sucked when he failed the exam for the third time, but when Mizuki told him about the scroll he though his luck was finally turning around.

Fat lot of help that was. By the time he had gotten the hang of the first jutsu, Iruka showed up freaking out about taking the thing. Now, Naruto would admit he was far from perfect, though the majority of the flaws he carried could be attributed to those hell-bent on ensuring he remained as low on the totem pole as possible, but when he saw the look of confusion crossing over the chunin's face the 'test' didn't feel quite as legit as he was led to believe. When he took the fuma shuriken Mizuki intended for him, well, you get the picture.

Anyway, after blurting out why people disliked him so much and the resulting scatter, Mizuki managed to catch up with who he thought was Naruto. Though he was rewarded with tasting the henged Iruka's knee. In return he made a last attempt to get his fellow chunin on his side, reminding Iruka about his parent's death at the hands (paws?) of the Kyuubi, though neither knew he was close enough to hear him. However that failed when Iruka stated that, even though he did hold some animosity for the blonde at first, he realized that the boy and fox were two completely different beings.

That brings us to where our story really begins;

"You really think that, huh?" Mizuki snorted, taking out his second shuriken, "Well, I had planned to deal with you anyway after I took care of the brat. But, I figure, what the hell.." With that, Mizuki's face took on a slightly maniacal grin as he lunged towards him, shuriken spinning like a buzzsaw.

The blonde's eyes widened in a mix of terror and shock at the action; terror that one of the few people in the village that didn't treat him like the plague was about to die, and shock as everything suddenly ground to a halt. The two chunin, the whir of the blade, even the cloud of dust Mizuki had kicked up, everything hung motionless, frozen in time. It was at that moment his world went black.

"Itai!" He yelped as his head collided with what looked like a big iron gate, "What the..? Where'd this come from? Wait wherpe'd Iruka-sensei and that bastard Mizuki go!?"

**"Not so loud...please.."** A deep voice rumbled from the other side of the gate. However, it sounded like whoever spoke was pretty miserable at the moment, **"This hangover is killing me.."**

"Hangover?" Naruto took a few steps back to see what he was looking at. Behind the gate lay a huge red fox, both of its front paws were covering its head. His eyes nearly bounced off the bars themselves when it registered, "Y-you're the..the K-K..the Kyu.."

The fox lifted a paw to look at him with bleary eyes, **"Kyuubi..? Yeah, that's me. As for hangover..that's what I get for letting myself get talked into a drinking contest with Rokubi." **For a moment, Kyuubi looked cheerful before adding, **"I won, at least. Last thing I remember was stumbling around looking for a place to sleep it off, then walking into the toad boss, Gamabunta..literally. Darn amphibian could've given me a heads up." **The fox covered its eyes back up,** "Next thing I know, I'm in this cell with a headache that I doubt even Kami would want." **

"W-what..you telling me the whole attack on Konoha was just you being blind drunk!?" Naruto halfway yelled, sorely tempted to make the furball's headache worse.

**"What attack..? Kid, I'm a lover, not a fighter. Violence isn't really my cup of tea, unless you count rough sex." ** The fox chuckled before letting out a yelp and grabbing its head again.

"If you don't know what's going on, why the hell did you bring me here!?"

Before Kyuubi could respond, another deep voice spoke up. This time, from right behind the blonde, "Because fox not bring you here."

**"What....the...hell...?" ** Kyuubi quickly rubbed its eyes to make sure it wasn't seeing things. Meanwhile, Naruto spotted the massive shadow looming over him and looked up..

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"Say goodbye, Umino!" Mizuki cackled as he brought the shuriken around to finish the job.

Or he would have, if he wasn't distracted from the sudden sound of cloth being violently ripped, followed by an inhuman bellow that came out of the woods

"What the...?" Both shinobi quickly forgot about each other when they saw what emerged from the foliage.

"Mizuki-teme hurt Iruka Sensei." It growled, lifting up fists the size of their heads.

The poor bastard's scream of terror echoed through the woods as the newcome quickly descended upon him with a warcry:

"NARUTO SMASH!"

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This is an idea I tossed around with Pseudocode Samurai (I did spell that right, didn't i?) Have yet to see this kinda crossover. So, figured it can't hurt.

Oh, and for the record, I'll be using the old school, Hulk as the basis. Naruto won't be Bruce Banner by any means, but he's not going to be a drool-monkey either.


	2. Chapter 2

**Leaf Ranger**: If it helps, we can chalk it up to 'great minds think alike'

**Kokuryu-Oh**: Sorry, but the green's here to stay.

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"What in Kami's name happened!?" Sarutobi muttered to him self as he stared at his crystal ball. The last thing it showed him was Mizuki ready to kill Iruka when something grabbed their attention. Unfortunately, whatever it was, it was enough to obscure the image. He had spent the last five minutes trying to make sense of what he had witnessed

"Um, Hokage-sama? " An ANBU wearing a bear mask appeared, though instead of the usual 'at attention' stance, he looked like he was confused as hell, "The scroll is on its way back. Mizuki has been apprehended, though he'll probably in a body cast for a while before we can toss him in a cell. Iruka took a hit from a fuma shuriken, but fortunately it's nothing severe. The medics say he'll be ok, though he'll have to keep from leaning against anything for a couple of days. Naruto..."

Sarutobi caught the hesitation, "What about Naruto?? Is he all right, Kuma?" The man was ready to bolt to the hospital.

"He's fine..aside from the fact he's big and green now..."

"Excuse me?"

"We're not sure what happened or weither he did it intentionally or not, but Naruto Uzumaki is now almost seven feet tall. Plus, His skin is green, emerald green to be exact. More like a hide actually." Kuma paused for a moment to breath before continuing, "I'm afraid Hawk decided to show his true colors when we saw the change. Naruto had fallen asleep after pummeling Mizuki, according to Iruka. I guess whatever made him transform took a lot out of him, so Hawk took that as an opportunity and attacked him with a kunai before we could react, yelling that you-know-what 'had shown itself'." He flinched slightly when the Hokage's eyes flashed dangerously, "Fortunately he didn't succeed, um..the kunai bent on impact with Naruto's chest."

"Did I hear that right?" Sarutobi wondered if his age was catching up to him, "It.."

"Bent, yes, Hokage-sama. We all performed a genjutsu release to be sure. I brought it with me for proof." He handed the the older man a kunai who's tip was bent almost to a perfect right angle, "Neko was the first to pull herself together, she relieved him on the weapon and almost his entire arm. Though, I can't really blame her."

"Where's Naruto at now?" Sarutobi's mind was going a mile a minute and he needed some answers as soon as possible.

"Well, you know the kid can be a sound sleeper, and with two of the unit returning the scroll, another four dealing with Hawk and Mizuki, there weren't enough of us to carry him, he's heavy now. Even with chakra augmentation, poor Okami almost threw his back out trying to lift him. Iruka and Neko stayed behind to keep an eye on him until he wakes up."

Sarutobi sighed and nodded, letting the man know he was dismissed, "I know your unpredictable, Naruto, but this takes the cake."

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Back at the fight scene, Iruka was sitting down to try and let his nerves unwind from the nights events. Nearby, Neko, otherwise known as Yugao Uzuki, had taken off her mask to get a better look at Naruto.

The now massive blonde lay snoring quietly. His clothes were little more than shreds now, minus the orange shorts that used to be pants, but even they were barely holding together. It was easy to see he'd stand at a considerable 6'11". The change had apparently consumed all the babyfat on him as well, leaving only solid muscle on a body that made the chunin say a silent prayer on behalf of the blonde's virginity; something told him the green wasn't gonna be much of a roadblock. The formerly unruly mop was still spikey, but now was swept back (Kinda like Nightmare Luffy's in a way) and had a faint green tint in it.

"You know, Yugao, for someone who claims not to be a pervert, the way you're staring at him kinda brings that into question. And fondling him isn't helping your case either." Iruka commented at the way the kunoichi was running her hand over his chest, decorated with green lines of a lighter shade; scares from previous 'scuffles' with the populus.

Yugao had the decency to blush and jumped back, protesting the statement vigorusly much to his amusement.

Meanwhile, Naruto found himself back in front of Kyuubi's cell. He was even standing in the very spot as before, "This been wierd day.." He muttered, and rolled his eyes at the speech impedement he was stuck with, as well as recalling how he got himself into this.

**XXXXXXXX  
Flashback, Naruto's mind, seven minutes ago:  
**  
Naruto paled when he looked to see who the shadow belonged to. Behind him stood someone who could only be described as green and huge, wearing a pair of tattered purple pants.

"Who..who the heck are YOU!?" He nearly fell over backing up from the..man, if you could call it that.

"That, my dear blonde, just so happens to be someone known as the Incredible Hulk, or a reasonable representation." Kyuubi mumbled, "If he's here, then things might just get a little more interesting here."

"Wha..? Hulk? What the hell are you talking about, fox!?" Naruto snapped.

"Hulk here because it time. Time for new Hulk to come." A large green finger pointed straight at the blonde, "You."

"A..a 'new' Hulk?? "

**"Odds are you're related to the original, a scientist named Bruce Banner. You might wanna sit down for this"**

As the fox spoke, Naruto remembered Mizuki's blathering and felt the need to confirm something, "Um, Kyuubi?"

**"Yeah?"**

"The teme blabbed that you were sealed into me..so..would that mean.." He looked around at the huge sewer tunnel they were in.

"This your mind." The Hulk finished the sentence, "Need fixing, though."

The blonde grimiced. It kinda made sense since his life had been kinda shitty. He decided to experiment and focused. A large bottle labeled 'Hangover Cure' popped up beside Kyuubi who quickly downed it. A look of complete bliss crossed the fox's face before it stood up and let out a contented groan.

Though Naruto could've sworn it sounded like a girl moaning.

**"I definatly owe you one, kid. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, He was experimenting with an energy called gamma radiation, but his project went mafunctioned and he was blasted with the stuff. After that, every time he succumbed to anger or stress, he's turn into Big Green over there. I guess since it affected his DNA, it's not too farfetched that he could've probably passed it on to any kids. Unfortunately, I don't know which parent you got it from. All I can say is get used to being big"  
**  
"Well, that makes sense, I guess, but one thing." He turned to Hulk, What'd you mean by time for a new one?"

'When Hulk first came, he do little more than destroy what angered him, scaring away some and causing others to attack, thinking he monster. That just made Hulk fight back,making more people think that." The green man sighed and shook his head, "But, over time Hulk learned to put anger to better use, fighting those that enjoyed hurting others or watching them suffer. Hulk can tell you feel same."

"Got me there." Naruto muttered, Even though most of the crap he had got through was mostly insults and dirty looks, there were a few who were more 'enthusiastic' about letting him know of their dislike. Because of that, he had gained a hatred of bullies and their ilk. He took one more look at the Hulk, _"Well, they're already convinced I'm a monster. Doubt anything short of Kami coming down and smacking them silly would change it. What the hell." _He looked the green man straight in the eye, "How do we do this?"

**"May wanna hurry, that Iruka guy's about to get some steel added to his diet. Fortunately for you and him, almost no time's passed outside. So get moving!" **

The Hulk let a slght grin cross his face before raising his head up and letting out a roar as green lightening crackled around them bot before it erupted in a blinding flash. When it faded, he was gone

**Flashback End**

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The sheer strength alone almost scared the daylights out of him when a single punch sent Mizuki bouncing off a couple of trees befoe smacking a third. He was down for the count before gravity reclaimed him. On the downside, the change took a lot out of him.

"Kyuubi, what do.." He turned to ask the fox something, but there was one slight problem.

The cage was empty. There was no sign of the fox. He looked up and saw what appeared to be a piece of paper attached to the gate's padlock covered in an elaborate seal. The paper looked like it was supposed to be flat against it, but it was now half curled up, like it had been pilled over the edge of a table.

"Kyuubi? Where you go?"

His answer came in the form of a loud 'squee' just as he got pounced on by a black, red, and white blur came flying out from one of the darker corners of the cell.

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Sorry bout the delay, I jst got a new comp. (has windows 7) so its taking a little getting used to.

This chapters mainly to tie up any possible loose ends from before.

And before anything starts up, it's been a long time since I've read any of the hulk comics, so I'm mainly going by what I can remember.


	3. Chapter 3

On reflex, Naruto closed his his eyes and braced for impact just before the object reached him.

....

....

Normally, in an event such as this, you'd expect the 'impactee' to be knocked off their feet and/or several feet back by the 'impacter'. In Naruto's case, all he felt was something landing against his chest and two items looping around his neck. Both eyes popped open and he saw that the items around his neck were arms, arms wearing dark red, almost black elbow-length gloves. Further examination revealed they were attached to a girl, if the face looking at him, plus the two 'pillows' against his chest were any indication. Cream-colored skin with a few freckles on the cheeks; lips, carrying a rather unusual shade of violet lipstick, curled up in a mischevious grin. He was able to look at her eyes, silver-colored with what he could've sworn were slitted pupils, just before they closed as she giggled and suddenly pulled herself up to him, capturing his lips with her own.

It lasted for a few seconds before she finally pulled back and dropped down, "Hm, not too bad for a beginner."

"Whozit..ha-wha.." Naruto babbled before his head cleared, stil surprised that his first kiss was from someone he didn't even know. Though he had to admit, it wasn't unwelcome, and she tasted a little like chocolate . When the cobwebs faded, he looked down to see the girl, the grin still on her face.

This time, he was able to see the rest of her: hair the same violet shade as her lips, done up in a braided ponytail that draped over her shoulder. She looked to be the same age as Ayame Ichiraku, but a few inches shorter and wearing a dark red corset that pushed up her almost c-cup chest with a generous amount of cleveage along with a mini-skirt that showed off a rather nice pair of legs in mid thigh-high stockings . All in all, she looked rather cute, if the slight blush Naruto was sporting was any indicator. Plus she would've looked like a normal girl if it wasn't for the violet colored, black-tipped fox tail stcking out from under her skirt or the fox ears on top of her head.

"Um..who you..and where Kyuubi?" He asked, looking aound the inside of the cell once he could think straight again.

"Aw, doesn't anything about me look familar, Naru-chan?" Her ears drooped as she pouted cutely, "After all, you did cure my hangover a little while ago."

The blonde giant's jaw dropped, "Kyuubi?? But..but..Kyuubi huge fox..you cute girl."

"True, and you get points for the compliment, but personally I prefer to go by the name Megera in this form, Meg for short. " She giggled again at his expression when it dawned on him, "All us Bijuu can take on a human form. Well, except for Sanbi, but his IQ makes him more of an 'it'." She hopped back up and hugged him tightly, "And that was freeing me. When you accepted becoming the next Hulk, the surge of gamma energy it let out disrupted the seal keeping me in there." She pointed up to the warped paper on the cage's lock. "It's also what prevented me from changing myself. But thanks to you, I'm technically free now!"

"Technically?"

"Yeah, I can finally go outside, the seal is partially inactive, but it's still enough to keep part of my essence locked up. To put it bluntly, my life is tied to you." Meg sighed, "Better than nothing though. So, time I return the favor."

"Return what? Naruto do nothing." He replied, wondering if this was just an oddball dream.

"Actually, it's a matter of common decency among kitsunes; you do one a favor, and they return it." She looked sheepish as she added, "That and it is partialy my fault most of the people in this town are jerks to you. Anyway, you let me out, even if it was unexpected,"

"Oh. So..now what?" Naruto wasn't sure what else to say really. Sure he was big, green, and had enough muscle to shame a clydesdale, but he was still a pre-teen that got his first kiss from an attractive older girl.

"Well, first off, we're gonna have to shave off some of the bulkiness." Seeing the look he gave her after that, she quickly added. "Don't worry, I'll just compact some the muscle to help make you look more like a regular person..with green skin. And maybe do something about how you're talking right now, at least so you'll be understandable again. It'll be a little easier to since you're still snoozing."

"This gonna be painful, right?" Naruto half-deadpanned. He remembered hearing that the Akamichi's family jutsus to increase size left them too sore to even move for a while afer the first time or two. And this was somewhat on par with that.

"Luckily for you, no. But it will feel wierd as hell." Was all Megera said before reaching up and slapping her hand to his stomach.

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In an instant, he learned exactly how odd the sensation was. It was enough to wake him up and grab te attention of Yugao and Iruka, who had momentarly nodded off as well. His body was covered with faint whisps of the kitsune's chakra as he felt like he was trying to squeeze into a rubber tube half his size

"Oh crap! Naruto!" Iruka yelled, watching his student go cross-eyed. He scrambled to his feet when he noticed, "Is..is he shrinking??"

"Naruto explHAAne later..Iruka-sensei.." His student managed to get out, "MMPTH..! Ri-hite now I'm--woohoohoo! I'm kinda preoccuPIED!"

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Yes, if you're thinking when I think you're thinking when you saw her description you might be right: (I'm a jeans and t-shirt person myself, so not real sure how accurate I am on clothing)

Bonus points if you can guess where I got Megera's name from. (Hint: Think 'Spain' but not quite)


	4. Chapter 4

**Leaf Ranger:** Supposed to be goth in a way. Though I'm not too sure on my accuracy.

**Kami no Kage:** Yep. Translates to 'vixen'.

**XRaiderV1: ** Tempting *evil giggle*

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"What a day.." Naruto muttered as he trudged into his apartment, though it now felt a heck of a lot smaller. Of course, even after Meg's adjustments, he still stood a considerable 6' 9" and was 983 lbs. of solid muscle, compacted from the previous bulkiness.

When he finally recovered from the squeezing sensation, it had taken him over an hour to explain what had happened to Iruka and Yugao. However, he knew both of them would be having trouble believing that the infamious 'Kyuubi attack' was really just a giant fox that wandered into town while sloshed. That and he could've sworn he caught the kunoichi blushing a couple of times when she looked at him

Thankfully, they both agreed to let him go home to sleep while they reported to the hokage. He was sure the old man was going to call him in the morning, but for now he just wanted to get the other 32 winks he was missing. At least most of Konoha was asleep by then.

"Better ask him about getting a new place, too." He gave the apartment a look. It was already little more than one big divided room with a bathroom off it. Wasn't really designed with 'big and tall' in mind.

"I'd say get some new furniture as well. Think this mattress is on its way out." A familar voice piped up. Naruto snapped his head in the direction it came from only to find Meg herself, lounging on his bed....

Wearing nothing but a pair of micro panties and a tight, slightly transparent crop top.

Now, before all this happened, Naruto probably would have yelped and demanded to know how she got there, but now he could only think one thing,_ "There's a cute, half-naked girl laying in MY bed, of her own free will? THANK YOU KAMI!"_

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Kami glanced up from her book, "Don't look at me, I'm on break."

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Meg chuckled at his expression, "I take it I'm making a good second impression."

"Uh..hehehe.." Was all he could really get out before he could gather his thoughts, "Wait..how'd you get out here??"

"Now that I'm not confined to the cage, I can pop out whenever I like."

"Ok. Um, not that I'm complaining, but.." He motioned to her new attire.

Meg chuckled weakly, "Well..when I made the adjustments..I took a look through your memories."

"You did wha..?" He deadpanned, "You could have asked first, you know."

"I know, I know, but when I looked, I noticed the crap you've had to put with all this time. To be honest, I probably would've hospitalized everyone I could've gotten my hands on a long time ago. But instead you managed to prove you were the bigger man; can't help but respect that. And, well.." She looked away shyly, a slight blush forming on her cheeks, "There's a lot about you that I like. You're a decent guy."

"Wow..though it is kinda out of the blue."

"If it helps, Kitsunes are known for being a little blunt when they let someone know they like them." She stifled a yawn, "For now, maybe we can put this on the back burner until we both get some sleep? I'm looking foward to a headache-free night." She scooted over to give him some room.

After a couple slight concerns about how cramped it'd be for two people to sleep on a single, she got him to finally lay down. The matress groaned in protest as he eased onto it, his legs draped some over the end. The moment he relaxed, she hopped on top, wrapping both arms around him as she snuggled up into the crook of his neck, pulled the covers over them both with her tail.

"Yes, the mighty 'Kyuubi no Kitsune' is a cuddlebug, deal with it." She said, smirking before closing her eyes. He bit back a snicker when she purred in response to his arms settling over her.

_"A guy could get used to...wait..are those piercings??" _ It took eveything he had not to let out the whimper.

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Sorry it took so long to get this out there, got a little lazy in working on it. (that and I was a bit of a basket case over the weekend with all the storms and crap)

Hope this bit of fluffiness tides you over for a little while. I'm finally getting into the meat of the fic.


	5. Chapter 5

Hiruzen took a long drag on his pipe, "Let me make sure I got this." He pointed to Naruto, "The reason you're like this is because somehow, you're related to the original 'Hulk' this Bruce Banner, right?"

"From what I've figured out, though I'm not too sure which side it's from." Came the replay.

"And when he transformed, it caused the seal to literally malfunction, letting out the fox out, who happens to be you." He looked at the purplette (If Perfect Lionheart can use 'bluenette, I can use that, so there), "Adding that you say your reason for coming to Konoha was because you were.."

"Hammered, yeah." She answered, "400,000 gallons of Tea Country sake'll do that to you."

"Right."

"Um. you know Gramps, you're taking all this unusually well." Naruto piped up, "Was expecting you to at least do a double-take"

"I've seen a lot of things in my time, Naruto; a Mist shinobi who looked like a walking shark, a woman who could crack cinderblocks with her nipples..I've even watched one of my students go from a respected Konoha shinobi to a lunatic with a snake fetish, so this is par for the course, actually. That and I'm currently using my emergancy pipe blend right now."

_"I wondered why I was hungry all of a sudden.."_ Thought the anbu guarding the room.

"Wow..that was anti-climatic." Meg muttered.

"Well, now we got that out of the way.." The blonde gave Sarutob the traditional 'you've got some explaining to do' look, "When exactly were you planning to tell me she had been sealed into me?"

The hokage exhaled, "To be honest, Naruto..I had intended for it stay a secret. Though, when I think back, I screwed that up the day after the fourth performed the sealing. I never should have said anything and let life go on. Instead, I took his request that you be seen as a hero too seriously. After that monumental cock-up, I passed the law making it punishable by death to speak of it, hoping it would die with the generation that had witnessed it." He let out an annoyed sigh, "Lot of help that did, I've lost count of the times I'm told myself I was being ass-backwards about it.. You're probably going to ask why he picked you, right?"

"The thought had crossed my mind." The blonde said, rather surprised that the old was being so straight foward about this.

"I had originally planned to save this for when you made chunin, but considering what's happened in the last 12 hours, I'd say that's kinda moot. Naruto, Minato picked you because he couldn't bring himself to seal her into someone else's son. He was your father."

"The Fourth...was my/his dad!?" Meg and Naruto blurted in unison.

"Yes. That's why I had thought it was best to wait. Iwa still carries a grudge about the beating they recieved at his hands alone and if they find out he had a kid, i doubt they wouldnt think twice about trying for some payback. Your real name is Naruto Namikaze. I had given you your mother, Kushina's, last name because there were only two others aside from me that knew she and Minato had married. I know I can't undo what's already happened, and I'm part of the reason your life has been less than enjoyable...all I can say is..I'm sorry."

Naruto sighed, he knew the man honestly wanted to help him out, even if the way he went about it was boneheaded, "It's all right Gramps. I know you meant well. Though, it's the idiots out there that deserve a boot upside the head" He was about to go on when the old man took out a small metal box with two seals covering the latches on it.

"I should've give this to you sooner, but I couldn't risk the damn council trying something underhanded. But now that you're a genin, and Konoha shinobi, they can't do jack."

"A genin..? But I failed the exam yesterday."

"True, but you also pevented a traitor from making off with the Forbidden Scroll; not an easy task for any acadamy student. And if I reacall, Iruka said that you were about to show him a jutsu you can working on."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that!" Naruto promptly made a cross-shape seal,** "Shadow Clone Jutsu!"** When the smoke cleared, Sarutobi and Meg found themselves looking at half a dozen Narutos. Of course, not only were were they just as tall, they were also equally heavy.

CRACK!

BOOM!

THUD!

WHAM!

With close to three tons in the middle of the room, and no support underneath, gravity made an unexpecting showing and Naruto and all five clones went through the floor, along with the one below.

"NARUTO!" The Hokage yelled, diving over the desk, only to see the blonde sitting up amongst the rubble.

"I didn't feel a thing!" He laughed, getting to his feet and dusting off. The clones were suprisingly unharmed as well.

"That was kinda fun, actually." A nearby clone grinned.

"Ooh..can't say the same for the poor bastard we landed on.." One of them winced.

Homura, like a moth on a windshield, laid sprawled out, literally knocked cross-eyed. Every now and then he'd let out a pained whimper.

Meg glanced over to Sarutobi, "Would it be considered tasteless if I admitted I'm finding this funny as hell?"

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After Naruto dispelled the clones, Homura was peeled off the floor, and the Hokage called for a clean-up crew, the man did his best to get back to business in a different office.

"Ok, Naruto..this box contains the will Minato and Kushina wrote up a couple of months before you were born. Unfortunately, during the...incident, Megera stepped on the house."

"Um..whoops..?" She offered.

"Thankfully, the two of them made it a point not to keep everything in one place, mainly because they didn't really trust most of the council not to try and get nosey. Minato blood-sealed a map into the will that'll lead you to where they stored everything." Biting his thumb, Sarutobi swiped it over one of the two seals, causing it to break apart, "You do the other, Naruto. Just bite your thumb to draw some blood and swipe it over the seal. only a blood relative to Minato can open that one."

The blonde lifted a thumb only to hesitate.

"What's wrong?"

"Well, before we came, Meg told me about what I'm capible of as the new Hulk; stuff like super strength, fast healing..well, fast along with what I already had, and the fact my skin's like armor now. Iruka told me about the kunai bending on my chest, so I'm not really sure if I can break the skin." Thinking for a moment, he nodded slightly as Meg and Sarutobi watched him tense up and suddenly clench his jaw. A moment later, he swiped a finger on his tongue and transferred it to the seal, showing he had bit the inside of his cheek.

With a faint crack, the seal fell away and Sarutobi opened the box, revealing two rolled up scrolls, "Here's your inheritence, Naruto."

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The inside of a cheek is a pretty tender area. Even Superman would probably wince if he bit himself there.

Hope you enjoyed Homura's 'mishap'. I had planned it to be Danzo he landed on, but I wanna give him something with a little more 'OUCH', espcially since Naruto's now physically capible of introducing your head to your own colon, literally.

Think I should give Naruto a weapon? Possibly a kanabo or just a big'ol hammer.


	6. Chapter 6

"Gotta admit, this is a hell of a hiding place." Naruto muttered, looking at the door of a closet-sized safe. Following the map led him and Meg to it's location: hidden in the cellar floor of an old hovel a couple miles outside Konoha. The first lock was another blood seal but that wasn't much trouble. The real problem was that the second lock was fingerprint-based, and he wasn't registered to it, which meant plan B.

And what exactly was 'plan B'?

Let's just say that, thankfully no one was near enough to hear the sound of a two-inch-thick metal door being torn off its hinges. Inside were dozens of scrolls, though most were on Minato's work in seals. There were a few that looked to be Kushina's, if the different handwriting was an indication, detailng attempts to create some custom-made jutsu. Though, considering there were several rude comments and insults directed to, as she put it, 'those pinwheel-eyed assholes', she was no fan of the Uchihas and was dead set against letting them near any of her work. Especially since a few appeared to Kaiton jutsus, something several of them claimed only they had the right to have. There were a few storage scrolls as well, though a couple were empty, presumably for later use.

While Naruto read through them, Meg pulled out some metal containers about the size of shoeboxes, six in all. Opening one revealed it was filled with several tri-pronged kunai, all adorned with complex looking seals. (You don't think there wouldn't be at least a few more stashed somewhere, would you?) Two scrolls were also inside, describing techniques known as the **Rasengan** and **Hirashin.**

"Holy shit..Hira--that's the move that earned him a 'flee-on-sight' order in Iwa!" Naruto nearly hyperventalated when he saw it. Those old coots on the council would piss themselves if they saw this.

"I think we just hit the jackpot." Meg cackled as she opened two more boxes. Both were crammed full of cash, apparently what the two shinobi saved up from missions and such. Flipping through a stack of bills, she figured there had to close to a half million ryo stored in the boxes, "I'll say it again: Jackpot!" She quickly opened another while Naruto grabbed the last one and looked through it.

Sadly, the majority of these scrolls were old and weathered by time. The ink had already worn away, making it almost impossile to read. All he could really make out was his mom's name and a few bits and pieces about a possible family tree. From what he could gather, she was the descendant of Hinamori Uzumaki, a woman who had fallen in love with, and had a child with the original Hulk's son, a man named Skaar. Unfortunately, everything else was a jumble of names and dates. He decided he'd look back through it later. _"Well, at least now I know where I got it from."_

Meg, on the other hand, was trying HARD not to erupt into perveted giggling. It seemed Kushina had a naughty side as well; in the box lay several pieces of lingerie, including a fishnet teddy and what could only be described as a bodysuit made of see-through ribbons. All of them hadn't been worn yet, since the labels and tags were still attached. Some reciepts in the box indicated they had been bought while she was pregnant, apparently she was saving them for when her figure came back, _"Kushina Uzumaki, you naughty naughty girl."_

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In Tea Country, a white haired pervert was spying on a women's bath house when he suddenly tensed and grabbed his temples, crying out, "I feel a disturbance! Pervert..senses...TINGLING!"

Though he didn't get much farther since his yell alerted the woman to his presence and a scream of "AAAUUGGGHH! I ONLY HAVE TWO OF THOSE! MOMMY!" sollowed soon after

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"Meg, you hear something? Sounded like a cat gettin its jewels caught in a pasta roller." Naruto looked around, failing to notce her putting the erotic undergarmets into a storage seal hidden under her hair. After a moment he put it out of his head and the two started gathering up their booty.

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"So, what's the verdict, Iruka?" Sarutobi asked when the scarred chunin finished tallying up the final scores of the acadamy students as well as the choices of the jounin instructors.

"Well, considering the Aburames and Inuzukas have a history of producing pretty good trackers, teaming Shino and Kiba together sounded like a good plan, plus Kurenai's suggestion that Hinata be added to the team, with the Byakugan and all, plus she's been around the girl before and feels some positive company would help wear away at that shell of insecurity she has. So we have Team 8. Of course, I doubt she'll be too happy not being teamed up with you-know-who. And the next generation of Ino-Shika-Cho is pretty much there, since Shikamaru, Ino and Chouji are familar with each other and their abilites, though Ino's proven to be a bit bossier than Inochi and the fangirl tendencies she's developed don't really help either. Hopefully Asuma can work that out of her system." He flipped through a few more pages, "And that gives us Tea 10. The real problem is Team 7. "

"The one Kakashi Hatake wll have? What's wrong?"

"Well, you know he was adamant that Sasuke be on his team.._personaly I'm glad to be free of that stuck-up little dickhead."_ He added mentally, "And Tayia Haruno wouldn't shut up until her daughter, who happens to be his biggest..and worst, fangirl, was garunteed to be teamed up with him."

"Don't remind me. Sometimes I've regretted not letting Tsume have a few minutes with that loudmouth."

Iruka stifled a laugh, "Anyway, the problem's who some are wanting as the third member. For some reason, Kakashi wants Naruto, claming that he wants to use him as a sort of motovater for Sasuke. Permission to speak freely, Sir?"

"Go ahead."

"Kakashi's a good shinobi, no question there, but as a teacher, this has aleady proven him to be a total putz. Those two hate each other with a passion. And you know what's going to happen when that boy finds out about Naruto's changes."

Sarutobi shook his head in exasperation, there had already been reports of the Uchiha seeing others peform techniques or jutsus and demand he be taught them. More than once the civillian council had attempted to make it a direct order...goddamn brown-nosers".

"Throw in what he'd probably try to do to Kakashi if he found out that was the reason he wanted him on the team." Both men cringed a bit at the idea, "In that light I figured it'd be best to have that Sai boy fill in the third spot. He doesn't seem to let much faze him, so that may help him in handling Sasuke's attitude."

"So that leaves us with the question, 'Where to place our resident green behemoth?' Thankfully, he's been able to keep it a secret the last few days with **henge**, and the ANBU that were there, minus the former Falcon, agreed that he'd be the one to reveal it."

"But what team would he fit on? His increased size has caused his steahth capabilites to take a hit, but he's damn near indestructable now. From what happened to your office, even his shadow clones can take a fair amount of punishment."

"I'll say." Sarutobi couldn't help but laugh, "Homura is still trying to figure out what he got hit with."

"Add in his now superhuman strength and stamina that was already insane to begin with and well..you get the idea. Whatever we do, we need to hurry. Team assignments are in three days."

The two men slowly descended into silence as they worked out a solution.

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For those who are still guessing that it's the Disney character, I should let you know that technically, she is named **Megara**. I'm using **Megera**, which is Poruguese for 'vixen' (at least that's what Google Translate said it was)


	7. Chapter 7

"Ok, now that we''ve _finally_ quieted down.." Iruka made a point to glare at the fangirls who had spent the last ten minutes squabbling over who got to sit by the brooding Uchiha for the last time. It had taken a double shot of his patented 'Demon Head Jutsu' to get the lot of them to settle down.

"All right, time to see who your teammates will be." He straightened up the papers he had, "Team one will consist of..." As he started on the names, the students began to hear something from the hall; a rythmic thudding that gradually grew louder.

"What the heck..?" Shikamaru muttered. The noise was getting loud enough to keep him up.

"Whatever it is, it's getting louder!" Ino yelped.

"It almost sounds like...walking." Kiba added as Akamaru crawled into his jacket to get away from the noise. The thuds soon became enough to make the room quake slightly before suddenly stopping...right outside the room.

Deads silence ruled the classroom as the door slid open and a shadow filled the opening.

"Running a little late..Naruto." The chunin commented, sparing a brief glance at the newcomer as he entered.

"NANI! NARUTO?" The group hollered in unison, staring at the formerly small blonde. The whisker marks standing out against the green. He was dressed in black shinobi boots (size 38 wide), purple cargo shorts, and a short-sleeve purple coat that went to his knees, sans shirt. along with a pair of black fingerless gloves. He still wore his old goggles and the cloth part of a purple headband tied up like a bandanna, though the metal plate was attached to a chain around his neck.

"Sorry, Iruka-Sensei. New threads had to be custom ordered, didn't get ready till this morning."

"Well..ok. Go ahead and find a spot to sit down." He said, ignoring the stares he was getting now at how calmly he was acting.

"Man, Naruto..how...just..HOW?" Chouji blurted out, gesturing wildly to his now massive classmate.

"Let's just say a relative of mine had something like this a long time ago." Naruto replied, looking for a spot to sit down. As he did, he had to bite back a frown when he spotted a good deal of the Uchiha's fangirls-ones that wouldn't have even given him the time of day yesterday-staring at his chest, abs, and arms and drooling, though a few were torn between oogling and being wierded out by the green skin. Kinda sad, really.

Then his gaze crossed over the person who used to be his crush...

Sasuke Uchiha.

...

...

...

Not really, it was Sakura Haruno. When he spotted her, he recalled a discussion Meg listing off her pros and cons..

Cons: Hair-trigger temper with excessive violent tendencies, especially towards him. Borderline stalker obssession with the Uchiha, up to and including ending a perfectly good friendship simply because both girls liked him. Rather self-rightious. Refuses to train outside the minimum on the belief that her crush won't approve of a 'sweaty, butch' girl and spends more time on her appearance than trying to actually be a shinobi. Unhealthily skinny from dieting. Plus, Meg was willing to bet her favorite thong the girl belived her 'Sasuke-kun' wouldnt be there whenever she needed saving.

Pros: Uhhhh...she takes good care of her hair...

For the first time in his life, Naruto Uzumaki felt nausious at the the sight of another human being. He had thought the girl was a gift from Kami when they first met, thanks to his skewed idea of what affection really was. Thankfully, Meg's list, plus getting him to understand that being punched in the head for the most minor infraction, real or percieved, did NOT a good girlfriend make. Upon realization of that, he could make only one conclusion: Pining for the pink-haired girl had been a bigger waste of time than watching a kunai rust.

Everyone watched as he walked up to-and right past- the girl, sparing her only a glance, then shuddering and letting out an audiable 'blech' before resuming the walk.

Sakura, along with everyone, else sat in even more surprise, Naruto has just make a noise as revulsion at her? Sadly, the shock quickly turned to anger, _"How DARE that loser 'blech' at me!_** CHA! WE'LL TEACH HIM A THING OR TWO!"**

"BAKA!" Came the familar warcry as she jumped to her feet and aimed a punch straight at his back.

"CRUNCH!"

"YEOOOWWWW! OWOWOWOWOW!"

Unfortunately for her, the battle of 'enraged female's fist' vs. 'muscular green skin' ended very rapidly. The students were summarily treated to the sight of her hopping around, cradling her now broken hand. Naruto on, the other hand, didn't even register it.

"Maybe this'll teach you to curb your temper, Sakua." Iruka chastized the girl as he hand another teacher take her to get medical attention.

Naruto barely paid the scene any mind as he reached the table Shino and Hinata were sitting at.

_"SWEET KAMI!" _ The supposedly shy clan heiress thought as she did her best to keep her hormones in check. She had always had the hots for the blonde...but now she was trying hard not to squirm in her seat at the sight of him, the fact he was now green didn't even make it into the equation. Thankfully-for the both of them- her Byakugan wasn't activated.

"You all right, Hinata?" Naruto said as he sat down on the floor beside them.

"Huh? Oh..I-I'm ok, Naruto-kun. _Dammit! DOWN GIRL!" _ She mentally growled at her lap, "Um, w-why are you sitting on th-the floor?"

"I doubt any of the chairs would support my weight anymore. I'm almost half a ton now."

"Whoa..heavy.." Kiba said, earning a growl from Akamaru for the awful joke.

Meanwhile, a certain brooder snorted derisivly, "Just means he's an even bigger loser now."

"This coming from a socially-retarded emo with a training post wedged sideways up his ass." The blonde retorted, ignoring the shrieked insults coming from the more die-hard fangirls in defense of their crush. He quickly snapped his fingers, "Maybe that's your problem, Sasuke. Constapation can turn anyone into a miserable bastard. Well, a bigger basterd in your case."

"Watch your mouth when speaking to your _superiors_, Uzumaki.." Growled the dark-haired boy, giving him what he considered to be an intimidating glare.

Naruto simply snorted, "The Hokage isn't even here, Uchiha, so piss off."

"All right! That's enough out of both of you!" Iruka hollered, "You're all here to be assigned to your genin teams, so let's get things going. First off.." He soon reached the end of the list as Sakura came back in, her hand wrapped up in bandages and shooting Naruto her own death glare.

"Team 7 will be Uchiha Sasuke, Sakura Haruno.."

"YES! TRUE LOVE ALWAYS WINS! TAKE THAT INO-PIG!"

"Kami...can't believe I actually liked her.." Naruto muttered, just loud enough for Hinata to hear.

"...And Sai." Iruka had to supress a shudder at his name. The boy really needed something to talk about besides one's family jewels. "Your jounin instructor will be Kakashi Hatake. Team 8 will be Kiba Inuzuka, Shino Aburame, and Hinata Hyuuga under Kurenai Yuuhi."

"A chick? Is she hot?" Kiba blurted out before getting smacked upside the head by Ino.

Hinata had to resist the urge to groan, while she didn't really have anything against Kiba, he had a bad habit of thinking with his other head rather often. The fact she wasn't teamed with Naruto didn't help matters either

"Team 9 is still active, so we'll skip them. Team 10 will be Chouji Akamichi, Ino Yamanaka, and Shikamaru Nara under Asuma Sarutobi."

"Great..stuck with Lazy and Munchy.." Ino groaned.

"And we're stuck with Noisy." Shikamaru muttered, earning a glare from the girl.

"Last but not least..due to the abilites you've aquired, it was decided Naruto will be soloing.."

"WHAT!" Sasuke snapped, scowling at Iruka, "I'm the elite here! I should be a solo member, not that loser!"

"That's right! Naruto no baka won't even last an hour!" Sakura screeched, eager to please her crush.

"Then the two of you can go and order the HOKAGE to change the placements, since he was the one who made the choice." That quickly silenced the both of them. Sasuke may have been arrogant, but even he wasn't stupid enough to try and boss that man around.

Iruka grinned, "Good choice. Now, as I was saying, Naruto will be soloing as Team 11, though you still be required to have an instructor. That will be..."

Before he could finish, a large object came sailing through the window. At the same time the classroom door was abruptly knocked off its hinges.

"Ha! Got here first!"

"You never said anything about coming through the window! That's cheating!"

"You never asked, so NYAH!"

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Can any of you guess who the two visitors are?

Dunno if anyone ever really did break their hand punching Hulk, but let's call it Karma poking the pinkette in the eye.


	8. Chapter 8

It took the students a minute to process what they were seeing: two full grown women arguing with each other over who arrived first.

"It's not my fault you didn't think about that." The shorter one countered. She was dressed in a trenchcoat and dark orange miniskirt with what appeared to be a fishnet bodysuit underneath along with purple hair done up in a spiky topknot similar to Shikamaru's.

"That's not the point! I was going on the honor system and you took a shortcut!" The other was noticably taller, dressed in a regular jounin outfit. She also had purple hair, though hers was straight and went just past her shoulders.

"Ah, you're just mad I won, Kitty girl."

"Get up on a box and say that to my face, midget!" The taller one retorted, smirking at the facial tic she got in exchange.

"I may be shorter, but at least **I** have something up top!" The coat-wearer snapped back, briefly shaking her upper body along with it.

"Will you two COOL IT!" Iruka turned his Demon Head on full blast with those last two words, getting EVERYONE's full attention.

One student was about to ask what most of them were wondering but Naruto beat them to it, "Yuugao, what're you doing here? And who's that you're arguing with?"

Both Kunoichi looked his way and the trenchcoat-wearing one let out a somewhat lecherous , "Hellooo.." Before stalking towards him.

"Anko, heel!" Yuugao yelled, yanking her back by her coat collar.

Iruka sighed as a headlock was immedantly applied, "Naruto, this is Anko Mitarashi. When we decided to put you on a team of your own, these two were considered for the spot as your instructor. Yuugao was excited at the prospect of teaching you and Anko..well, she hesitated until we told her about the kunai."

"Duh, the damn thing BENT on him! You know the posibilites? That and the fact, green skin aside, he's kinda hot for a genin." She ignored the burning glare Hinata shot her way and squirmed out of Yuugao's grip.

_"Oh HELL no! That bitch did not just say that!"_ The girl growled inwardly, highly tempted to throw down right there.

"Riight.." Iruka stopped himself from facepalming, "The Hokage said only one would be able to get the posistion. Unfortunately, niether of them were willing to back down; so in an attempt to keep the peace..and our sanity, it was decided that they'd alternate on a weekly basis so they don't try to kill each other." He glared at the kunoichi, who were doing their best to look innocent while trading shin kicks.

"Are you saying thE DEAD-LAST is getting TWO teachers?" Sasuke growled out, inscenced that someone besides himself was getting this, "Dobe, trade with me, now!"

"Not happening, Uchiha. Kakashi was insistant you be under him." Yuugao pretened to ignore Anko's snort at the unintended innuendo, "Besides, we don't even like you. Anyway, Since one of the primary purposes of the teams is to foster teamwork, the Hokage decided you'll be working with the other teams every now and then, training with them as well as assisting on missions when necessary outside your own."

Naruto simply grinned and said, "Cool.'

Meanwhile, the others were reacting in their own way.

Chouji: _"Dad's gonna have a hard time beliving he's not the biggest guy in Konoha anymore."_

Kiba: _"He's got two hotties teaching him! But..I'm gonna have a hottie teaching me, at least, I hope she hot..and really a she...but he's got TWO.. Dammit, my head hurts now!"_

Ino: _"Mitarashi..? That's the crazy lady I've heard Daddy talk about..I kinda feel bad for Naruto now, he said she has a knack for being vicious."_

Sasuke was too busy seething at being denied something he was convinced he was entitled to to really think straight.

Sakura was also busy cradling her bandaged hand, a mix of startled and angry that instead of her fist doing its usual job, SHE was the one injured this time, _"There's no way that moron could handle one of MY punches like that without help! _**CHA! THE BAKA'S GOTTA BE WEARING ARMOR OR SOMETHING! CHA! **_Yeah..that's it! He's wearing something under a henge! That dirty little.."_ The pinktte ground her teeth as she thought of a way to properly punish the blonde.

Sai: _"...Penis?"_

Shikamaru: _"This is gonna be even more troublesome than usual..but at least he got rid of the bright orange. Junk was blinding when the light hit it right."_

Shino:*Cackling evily in his head* _"Aw, poor widdle Sasuke gonna cwy 'cause he's got getting his way this time? Now THAT'S funny!"_

"So...now that we're here, we're just gonna go ahead and take him off your hands, Iruka." Anko piped up, motioning for the blonde to come along, "Oh, all you gakis on Team 7, I hope you brought some reading material. Hatake has a real shitty sense of puncuality." Before Iruka could protest or even respond, the three left.

A few minutes later, Kurenai and Asuma arried to get their teams.

The next three and a half hours saw Team 7 sitting alone in the room wondering where the hell their instructor was

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I know this chapter is kinda short considering how long I've been, but I had to keep going back to tweak things in order to keep it as smooth as possible.

Hope you like Shino's thoughts. Considering he acts stoic out in public, it makes you wonder what could go through his head.


	9. Chapter 9

Speech

_Thought_

**jutsu/pissed off Naruto**

(figured I'd best put this up somewhere)

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"What's the verdict?" Sarutobi asked, looking at the small group of Jounin gathered in his office, "How did our hopefuls fare?"

Asuma was the first to speak up, "Team 10 passes, but barely. Yamanaka's an Uchiha fangirl with a rather bossy attitude, though I did notice she seemed to be thinking of something else besides her "crush". Nara's just as lazy as his did, even gave me the same exasperated look Shikaku uses sometimes. On the plus side, kid's a hell of a lot smarter than he acts. Akamichi's willing to go along with the plans he thinks up, but outside of that, he spends most of the time with at least one hand in a chip bag." He let out a sigh, "I'm gonna have my hands full with those three. On the bright sight, when they really get into it the three of them work fairly well together despite their quirks"

"And perhaps break your own lazy streak." Sarutobi grinned at the look of dismay he shot back

"Team 8 passed." Kurenai spoke up next, "Though they have their own drawback as well, Shino Aburame's an intelligent kid, but the constant chakra drain by his insects keeps his ninjutsu use to a minimum, so I'm looking into tai or kenjutsu possibly. Hinata has a good grasp of her clan's fighting style, though her shy demeanor and bout of self-conciousness is gonna take some time to get through. And Kiba Inuzuka...no offense to Tsume, but her son's a bit of a hornball. I caught him staring at my ass at least twice until I threatened to tell Hana on him. Outside of that, he knows his clans jutsus fairly well and is close with his dog. I'll try to iron some of the kinks out, but I'd say they'll make a pretty good tracking unit."

"Well that's good to hear." He looked over to Kakashi, who was engaged in his favorite pastime: burying his nose in Ichi Icha, "Kakashi..Team 7?"

The one-eyed man looked up from the book, "They pass...though its more like scraped by. Where do I start...? Sakura Haruno...fangirl through and through. I had to stop her from pummling Sai after he poked fun of 'Sasuke Jr.' When we did the meet and greet..the only thing thing she said that DIDN'T involve the Uchiha was her dislikes, which she was quick to scream Naruto's name out at the top of her lungs. The girl was so preoccupied with finding Sasuke during the test, she fell for the Death Mirage Jutsu. Sai at least shows some ability with his animated ink creatures, one almost nailed me when I wasn't looking. However, all his emotions an expressions are so forced it's disturbing; not to mention all his 'penis chatter'" The man shuddered a bit at that, "And Uchiha himself...to be honest, I'm dissappointed. The boy is arrogant, too cocky for his own good, refuses to work with others, and seems to think he should be bowed down because of his name. Whoever wrote his file needs an ass-kicking. He refused to team up with the others even after Sai figured out the real test, though Sakura's constant ego-stroking didn't help matters. Their only saving grace was that after Sasuke was tied to the tree, they were willing to ignore my order not to feed him, though probably not for the reason i had intended. So maybe...just _maybe_, there's a bit of hope for them."

The Hokage coughed to hide his chuckle, "Well, you were insistant that you got Sasuke, Kakashi. Now you have to work with it. And lastly...Team 11?"

Yuugao and Anko were both a mix of excited and wore out, "To be blunt...the kid's a damn titan." Anko said, "When we asked for a strength demonstration, he uprooted a 20-foot elf..with ONE HAND. Though he did put it back."

"You're kidding, right?" Asuma said, "Even Gai can't do that, and he's damn near the strongest shinobi in the village physically."

"We saw what we saw, Asuma." The trench-clad kunoichi replied

"After that, we decided to see just what he could handle." Yuugao rubbed her leg, "Thought I had broke my shin after a couple of kicks during the test spar..after hearing what happened to the Haruno girl, I shouldn't be surprised."

"Regular weaons are worthless against him like you said. Kunai and shuriken bounce away, he can snap ninja wire like thread , his weight alone just shoves caltrops into the ground. Hell, the best we got was him losing his balance for a moment after stepping right onto an explosive tag! Then he got annoyed about the blast destroying his boots. And don't even get me started on his endurance..."

"He even managed to wear out Mamushi doing laps."

"Mamushi? But..she's the fastest snake you have!" Kurenai blurted out, "I've seen her run down a horse going full clip!"

"She was ahead for a little while, but she can only keep top speed for about fifteen minutes. He had freaky stamina before...but THIS..." Fortunately for her, only Sarutobi caught the facial twitch indicating her mind momentarily went into the gutter, "We finally told him to stop after two hours."

" Though he still has his flaws, same as any other ninja, genin or other wise." Yuugao ticked off a couple of items, "His chakra contol needs some work. He's a good deal calmer now, so that'll help. Guess all that excess energy feels more natural for a larger body. Still gotta figure out what his limitations are and get him set up with an actual taijutsu style "

The Hokage took a long drag of his pipe, "Interesting. _Holy shit..! I knew the transformation was going to make him stronger, but this is rediculous! Oh Kami..the council's never going to shut up when they find out!"_ He briefly recomposed himself, "Well, I belive that's everything. Genin missions will be avalible tommorow morning at 8, and as always, first come first serve" He said, giving Kakashi a look as he finished.

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On the opposite side of town, Naruto and Meg were busy relaxing in their new house. He had been impressed with the way she talked the seller into letting them have it for half the original price. Of course, it was even funnier when he realized who he had sold it to after the deal was finalized.

Granted, they had to enlarge the doors and get reinforced furnature, but it was worth it. The original owner had an almost terminal fear of heights so what was originally supposed to be a 2-story building ended up being all on the ground floor. On the bright side, that meant they didn't have to add extra support for upper floors, especialy if he used shadow clones for something.

"Meg?"

"Hmm?" She responded, curled up in her now favorite spot to sit: the blonde's lap.

"Should I be worried that I just got the feeling I'm gonna have to send several people through a wall soon just now?"

"Nah, probably just indigestion from the sushi last night."

"Maybe. One other thing.."

"Yeah?"

"Not that I'm complaining, but why do you keep stripping to your underwear whenever it's just us in the house?"

All he got in response was a cheeky grin.

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Yeah, this one kinda ended up as filler since I'm still trying to decide which team he'll be working with first, though I can see Gai break out a possible fighting style collection to pair one up with the 'Big Green'

Oh and I've decide on his weapon: Why have one kanabo when TWO heavy as hell metal reinforced sticks can scare a guy even more?


	10. Chapter 10

_"Ugh..if I had known he was wanting to start at eight in the friggin morning, I wouldn't have cheated and used that 2-sided coin yesterday. _Ok, refresh my memoy, gaki" Anko said, watching the blonde stuff four more handfuls (well, handfuls for him anyway) of mission scrolls into his coat pockets, still rubbing the sleep from her eyes, "Why did you grab so many? Genin teams usually do one or two a day or so. Depending on the task, they can go from an hour to the whole day. And for that matter..why so damn early!" She was promptly met by the blonde's trademark grin as they left the mission depot and the rather startled chunin running it.

"The old man said teams have to do a minimum of forty D-ranks before they're even considered for Cs, right?" Getting a quick nod he continued, "And odds are you wanna get the ok as much as I do, right?"

"You better believe it! I hated D-ranks when I was a genin, I hated them as a chunin, and I still hate those crappy things!" She replied.

"Which is why I loaded up. The more we do right off, the sooner we get to do Cs." He responded, "As for getting here early, it's like I said on the way here, I just didn't wanna arrive only to get stuck with the crappy missions the other teams didn't want."

Anko stared blankly for a second before facepalming and muttered, "Why the hell didn't I think of that when I was a gaki..? Wait, that's all well and good, but it'll take days to get them done, even if we do them in succession."

The grin returned with a vengence , "They obviously forgot to tell you about what I learned when I stole the Forbidden scroll that night."

"And what would that be?" She asked upom approaching one of the empty training areas.

As if on cue, he quickly backed up and formed a seal, saying three familar words.

**"Shadow Clone Jutsu!"**

When the smoke cleared, Anko's jaw unhinged at the sight; before her now stood more than one hundred Narutos, standing shoulder to shoulder.

"Holy..! No way..these can't be..." She gave one a tenetive poke, expecting it to pass through a regular clone, only to have her finger make contact with a solid object.

It didn't help her surprise when the clone looked right at her and asked, "What?"

"Sweet Kami's rubber g-string!" She yelped, turning to the original "Their solid...! You..you learned an A-class jutsu in ONE NIGHT!"

"Wore myself out pretty good by the time I finished." He quipped before facing the clones, "All right! Let's get started, we got sixty missions here. It's gonna be two per so we get done fast, got it?"

"Right!" They shouted in unison, lining up to recive their orders.

While all this was going on, Anko promptly gave in to letting out a school girl squeal at her luck. Tough as hell, endurance that could put who knows how many of Konoha's best to shame, and she was willing to bet he'd be a monster in a fight even without a true style. Of course, she and Yuugao were going to rectify that, as well as his ninjutsu repetiore. She could help squealing again. The hell with gold, this kid was frigging **PLATNIUM**! If her old _sensei_ ever showed his pasty mug around again, he was gonna be in for a nasty surprise!

"That's all of them, let's move out!" Naruto shout brought her back to reality in time to watch the clones scatter in every direction to fulfill their tasks. On his way back to her, she saw he had one remaining scroll with him.

"And one for us, I take."

"Yep, no sense having the clones do ALL of them." He handed it over to her.

Taking a look at the listed mission, she briefly chuckled, "Shikaku Nara's looking for a couple of extra hands to help him with rounding up a batch of deer for their annual physicals. Doesn't sound too bad, might actually get a work out from it. Might as well go and see if he's home."

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"He...what..?" The Hokage deadpanned. He had been wondering what all the commotion had been about outside earlier. The answer he got, however, wasn't quite what he was hoping for.

"Uzumaki sent over a hundred shadow clones around the village to do all the missions he and Anko had gotten." The jounin replied, "Most of them just ran through the streets to their destination..made a few of the local boozehounds swear off the stuff then and there when they saw it. Unfortunately...'

Sarutobi felt a paper-induced headache coming on, "Tell me they just startled some people."

"Well...a few decided the roofs would be faster...I'll say this, the kid can get some major hangtime now. One cleared over seven blocks in one jump..WITHOUT chakra..the landing, however..that's the 'unfortunately' part. Seems Konoha roofs aren't really built to handle close to a thousand pounds of genin landing on them from fifty feet in the air. So far we got about fifteen counts of the roof simply being smashed in or the clone almost going right through it, forty-two people getting the hell scared out of them when they landed in the street, along with the damage the impact did to the roads themselves..and one poor guy that had a clone land on his cart."

_"That explains why that guy was crying about his cabbage."'_

"Also, there were six people who had to get medical attention for ruptured eardrums due to Mesu Haruno's daughter screaming while she chased after one clone, demanding something about dropping a henge and getting a punch..or something like that."

The old man groaned, "Only you, Naruto...only you.."

It was that point in time when Murphey decided to invoke his law. The voice of his secretary crackled over the intercom, _"Sir? Several council members are demanding you come to the council room.."_

Of course, you can never really tell exactly WHO the law is being invoked on at times. This just happened to be one of them.

"Oh shit...oh shit..ohshitohshitohshitohshit!" The Jounin was rapidly repeating under his breath at the look the Hokage now had. The elderly man may have been a little more easygoing than your regular Kage, but the council had obviously forgotten an impotrant fact:

Hiruzen Sarutobi was the friggin' HOKAGE! That and trying to boss the Hokage is a fast ticket to getting something sharp and pointy rammed somewhere tender.

And that's a best case scenario!

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Yes, this one is filler in a way. I have plans for the next ch. (don't worry. there's gonna be more Meg and Naruto in that one)

Kinda makes sense that Naruto would go roof hopping out of habit, only to remember that physics made that sort of a 'no-no' for him.


	11. Chapter 11

."Hey! I said they AREN'T lunch, you scaley nitwit! Try that again and I'll make myself a thong out of your hide!" Anko yelled at one of the snakes she had herding the selected group of deer. The job had been surprisingly easy so far; her snakes kept the deer's attention, moving them to where Naruto could move in to grab and transfer them to the pen used to give them their check-ups.

"I gotta admit , if Shukaku was here even he'd probably admit this isn't as troublesome as it would be normally." Shikamaru's mom admited as the big green blonde made another delivery. Shikaku had been called to a meeting so she was stuck dealing with the task at hand. "Regularly took us all day just to get them over here."

"Normally you never had a guy helping who could lift one of these with one hand." Anko threw her two cents in.

"Deer 13 to 17 coming up!" Naruto called out, coming in at a brisk jog, two slighty shellshocked deer draped over each shoulder. He hopped into the enclosure and set them down. As he did, the sound of a shunshin from nearby grabbed their attention.

"What brings you out here..Pinocchio?" Yoshino grinned slightly at the ANBU that had arrived.

"Come on! It's TENGU! I keep telling people this was the only one they had that would fit!" The man replied in annoyance, adjusing the foot-long nose of the mask he had on.

"Calm down, you know I can never resist ribbing you guys a little." She replied, "So what brings one of Konoha's finest out here?"

"Oh yeah. The Hokage wants to see Naruto. The council really pissed him off about something."

"Go on ahead you two. Theres only one left to get; Shikaku and Shikamaru can go after it when they get home." Yoshino waved Anko and Naruto off as she gave one of the deer its shots.

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"Let me make sure I heard you right." Sarutobi muttered through his teeth, "You've already heard about Naruto's..change from the students, and now that you've seen it for yourselves, you think it's something he got from that scroll."

"It's the only way the brat got that kind of strength." Haruno said in an 'isn't it obvious?' tone.

_"Mental note: next time the howler monkey pisses Tsume off, I'm letting Kuromaru turn her into a chew toy. _ Plus, you expect me to ORDER him to teach Sasuke Uchiha how to do it...

"And make sure he can never use again! Only Uchiha-Sama is worthy of that kind of power!" One of the civilians hollered with the others nodding in agreement.

"Riiight.." He took a deep breath, "In light of your 'requests', and I say this with the utmost sincerity...you are the most incompetent, uptight, narrow-minded shitheads I have EVER had the misfortune to be around!"

The civillian side froze at the insult, "H-Hokage-sama.." One started to say.

"So it's 'Hokage-sama' now is it? How about when you thought you could order me in here like I was one of your goddamn servants! I have had it up to here with your constant bitching about things that don't go exactly how YOU want it...well guess what, as far as I'm concerned, that petty BS stops NOW. Now I know for a fact that Naruto did not get that so-called 'transformation ability' from the Scroll because I have looked through it like every Hokage has and there is NOTHING even remotely like that in it."

"If that's the case, then the only other way would be.." Shikaku started before the Hokage shot a finger at him.

"Don't even say it." He said, but sadly it was too late.

"A bloodline?" Hiashi spoke up. The moment he said that, the room erupted in demands that he be executed, locked up and/or used for breeding. He had already been annoyed when he entered the room, and the yelling wasn't making things any easier. But when he spotted one of the more holier-than-thou members grinning as he started working on a marriage contract, Hiruzen Sarutobi lost it.

"SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU SELF-FELATIATING ASS BANDITS! " He bellowed, sending the room into dead silence, "None of you are going to do ANYTHING like that, you hear me! First off, the last known carrier of this ability died before the Roudoku Sannin's GRANDPARENTS were even born. Second, the original holder, as far as I know, gained it during a labratory accident. So it's technically an artifical enhancment."

"Be reasonable, Hiruzen!" Koharu snapped, making the man's eye twitch, "That..boy owes us for even letting him live here! Providing us with a good Kekkai Genkai is the least..." The flying chair that appeared in her field of vision proved to be a suitable interruption.

Thirty seconds later, the door opened and Naruto came in with Anko, and surprisingly enough, Meg, dressed in overalls and toting a shovel and how-to manual on making storage rooms.

What caught Sarutobi's attention were the sneaky grins on the girls' face and Naruto's bright red face, "_Figures I'd miss something interesting."_ He muttered to himself before taking a calming breath, "You've arrived right on time, Naruto, Anko. Though I didn't expect you, Megera."

"Ran into her on the way here." Anko's grin widened, "Looks like she and Big Boy here have been living together the last few days. Though she still won't say if they take turns sleeping in the only bed the have, or.." Her voice trailed off when they noticed Koharu, laying in a heap underneath a busted chair.

"Um, we miss something?" Naruto asked, fighting the urge to crack a joke about the sight.

"Just these idiots pissing me off." The hokage muttered, sending a glare to the council, daring them to open their traps again, "And as for why you're here.."

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I wanted to add more, but unfortunately I couldn't get it to mesh with the chapter's flow. So I'm just considering it sort of a filler.


	12. Chapter 12

A few council members took a moment to make sure their hearing wasn't going out

"Did I really hear him say what I think he said?" Chouza whispered to Shibi.

"That Naruto is Minato and Kushina's son?" He replied, "Yes. Yes you did."

Hiashi simply raised an eyebrow as he looked the blonde in the eyes before closing his eyes, nodding...

*WHAM!* BAKA! *WHAM!* BAKA! *WHAM* WHY *WHAM!* THE HELL *WHAM!* DIDN'T *WHAM!* I SEE THAT *WHAM!* IN THE *WHAM!* FIRST PLACE! *WHAM!

And proceeding to vigously bang his head against the table.

"As entertaining as that is, could someone stop him before he gets a concussion?" Sarutobi spoke up.

"I'm good.." Hiashi muttered, cradling his already purpling forehead, "At least now I know I can uphold my promise to Kushina and piss off those bastards that like calling themselves Elders."

"A promise to my mom?" Naruto cocked his head in his usual 'questioning' expression,

"Um, you see Naruto...Kushina-chan was..how do I put this...notorius for being somewhat... frisky, Mainly towards Minato."

"'_Frisky'_ ? Kushina was probably one of the biggest perverts in Konoha, next to Jiriaya! Only reason she hated the guy was because he's a peeping tom." Tsume barked in laughter, "Hell, Inochi here spent a week in a half in the hospital recovering from blood loss after we dared her to describe some of her naughtier fantisies."

"Thanks a lot, Tsume!" Inochi muttered, holding his nose, "I thought I had finally forgotten all that!"

"My mom...my mom was a perv?"

"You better believe it! Minato on the other hand...well, as much as I hate to say it, he was a bit of a prude. Poor guy just couldn't bring himself to look if a girl showed some skin without having a panic attack. That lasted until the Chunin Exams, when he faced off against Kushina in the finals."

Chouza snickered, "Yeah, those two went at it for a good fifteen minutes before he managed to pin her against the wall. Should've known getting restrained like that would be a turn on for her. Turned out she had it bad for the guy but wanted him to make the first move. Anyway, I think that was the first time an exam match turned into a heated make out session. Ever since then...well, it's safe to say you could see her dragging a slightly frantic Minato off somewhere at least every other day."

"Woohoo! Go Kushina!" Megera piped up.

Sarutobi cleared his throat to get their attention, "ANYWAY...when they learned they were going to have a son, Kushina...and I'm still wondering where she came up with this Idea...she decided you deserved your own Harem when you got older."

"What's a Harem..?" The blonde asked. Megera giggled and climbed up to whisper in his ear, explaning exactly what it was if his poleaxed expression and red tint was any indicator.

"Well, as I was saying, she talked me and Hitomi into setting up a marriage contract between her son and our oldest daughter if we had one his age..a son that, until now, I had simply assumed died the same day as them. I have to admit this is one time I'm glad to be completely wrong."

"Wait..that means me..and Hinata?"

"Considering how she feels about you, I doubt she'll be objecting too much."

That caused Naruto's mind to temporarily screech to a halt, "_She likes me..? Why the hell didn't I ever notice! Granted, she's a lot nicer to be around than Sakura...cuter too."_

"You too, huh?" A deep voice rumbled from the civilian side. It belonged to a man wearing a blacksmith's apron and gloves. He didn't look very tall, only around five feet, but he was built like a brick shit house.

"Uh, who are you?"

"Name's Musashi Higarashi, kid. I run the Burnished Kunai supply shop across town."

"Higarashi? Why's that name sound so familiar...?" Naruto mulled over the thought until it dawned on him, "Wait, are you that girl Tenten's dad? I remember her from the academy. She graduated a year before me."

"That's her." Musashi nodded, "For a while I thought Uzumaki was just the name the Hokage gave you. Kushina-sama made the same agreement with me. I'd told Tenten about the contract when she was old enough, but didn't really think much about it cause I heard her son was dead as well."

"I guess that explains the weird looks she gave me a couple times in between classes. Stared at me like she was tying to remember something but gave up after a little while. Aside from that we didn't really cross paths too much"

"Well, I'll let her know. Hopefully she won't take it the wrong way."

"And there's also Yakumo Kurama, though that may be trickier." Sarutobi added.

"Hey! Don't forget me!" Megera pouted as she pulled Naruto's arm against her chest, making his red tint even deeper as he felt her breasts squishing against him.

"Who are you anyway, girl?" Homura demanded, frowning at her attire the while time.

"Name's Megera. And well...you can call me Naru's little vixen." She added coyly, earning a sputtered outrage from Homura and the pinkette.

"How DARE you utter such a disgusting term in our presence!" She shouted in a shrill tone, making Tsume and Megera wince from the volume, "Sarutobi! It's obvious this _thing _has somehow influenced the situation! There is no way it can be their offspring!"

Naruto blanched slightly, "Aw man..tell me that's not what I think it is!" He said, pointing at the pink hair.

"Yakkaina Haruno." Sarutobi muttered, his eye twitching, "I doubt I need to say anything else."

"Aside from the fact she's a pain in the ass." Mushasi added, giving the woman a look that dared her to try anything when she glared at him.

"He's ok in my..." Meg grinned, only to get cut off by Danzo.

"Yakkaina-san is right, Sarutobi. We refuse to accept that that de-boy is the Fourth's child! We should also separate those two; it's clear she's not acting like this willingly!"

"Hell no! That B-Movie reject did NOT just say that!" She growled, ready to hurt the guy.

"Megera-san is correct. You speak for no one but yourself, Danzo." Shibi replied in a slightly cold tone, even by Aburame standards.

"Yeah, considering Minato and I were the only two blonde guys in Konoha, and I know for a fact that Ino is my only child, I'm starting to wonder how the heck I didn't see it either." Inochi added.

"Bah! You dumb shinobi wouldn't recognize proper breeding if it hit you in the face!" Yakkaina snapped, "Now you listen and you listed good: we are NOT letting that...that freak take his name!"

"Care to repeat that, bitch!" Tsume snarled, "Who the hell are you to decide CLAN matters!"

"That monster is from no clan, you uncouth savage!"

The third was about to flare his KI to shut everyone up when he heard Meg call out, "Hit the deck!" before he was pulled to the floor beside her and Anko. Looking up, he saw Naruto's arms stretched out to the sides before he brought them together with surprising force.

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At the entrance to the tower, the two chunin on guard found themselves wondering why the building just rumbled for a moment.

As well as the screaming pink object that came flying out of the eleventh floor window.

"Did that look familiar?" One of them asked.

The other shrugged, "It bounced off that roof pretty good, whatever it was."

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"Uh, was that supposed to happen?" Naruto asked to no one in particular. It was meant to just be a loud handclap to get their attention.

However, that wasn't quite the case; the unexpected shockwave pretty much flipped the room a few times. The clan heads had managed to keep from getting thrown, but they were still sprawled out on the floor. The civilian half, on the other hand, weren't quite so lucky. A few were currently embedded in the drywall.

Being a retired shinobi, Mushashi was able to pick himself up, "Well, that was an experiance." He muttered, still a little wobbly from the ordeal.

Homura was currently joining Koharu in a heap in the corner, and the remains of the window was a fair assumption of what happened to Yakkaina.

"DAMN, gaki!" Anko blurted out when she got her ears to stop ringing, "What the hell did you do? That was AWESOME!"

"Yes, I'm rather..curious myself." Sarutobi added.

Naruto shrugged, "Beats me. I just wanted them to knock it off. All the hollering was getting irritating."

"That was the Thunderclap. One of the original Hulk's favorite moves. I don't think I need to explain what it does." Megera said, dusting herself off.

"Just when I thought Naruto Uzumaki couldn't get any more troublesome.." Shikaku muttered as helped Chouza up.

"What?" Tsume half-yelled, her head still vibrating slightly, "Somebody say something!"

"Perhaps we should continue this after they all recover. i'll have some medics come in shortly" Sarutobi winced at the sight of a silently weeping Danzo, half buried under the tables remains, and one of the legs wedged in a tender location, "And possibly a couple of proctologists..."

"Yeah, good idea." Anko had to bite her lip to keep from peeing herself laughing at the war hawk's situation and motioned for the other two to head out, "Oh, uh, Hokage-Sama? Before I go.."

"Yes, Anko?"

"Kushina-sama didn't specify a limit on that harem, did she?" There was just enough innocence in the question to make the man wonder just what Kushina had gotten her son into.

"Nani?" Naruto looked up, still in hearing range of them.

"Give three references and we'll talk!" Megera threw in.

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Yeah, this chapter's more along the line of filler. I would've gotten this out earlier but had to clean things up some after all those storms last wensday. (Power didn't come back on till sunday night.)


End file.
